La Marcha Real

That’s the name of the national anthem of Spain. Literally, it translates to ‘The Royal March’. And that is exactly what the Spanish have done, marched royally to lift one of the greatest prizes in sport, the FIFA World Cup Trophy, for the first time in their rich footballing history, littered with tales of underachievement.

The reason for my using the name of their national anthem as the title of this blog post is that I know the entire anthem, from start to finish, off by heart. The years spent watching Rafael Nadal win a million French Open titles, and now having watched every match Spain have played at the World Cup, I realized only at the time of the final that I was humming the tune along with the players as they lined up before the start of the final battle.

Wikipedia tells me that La Marcha Real does not have any official lyrics. This explained why none of the players mouthed it as the music was played. It also means that, if simply knowing the national anthem is any yardstick, I am just as Spanish as I am Indian.

The match that saw the Spanish lift the trophy was cagey, nervy, scrappy, even ugly at times. It is hard to imagine a final as ugly as this. Admittedly, I don’t remember much of what had transpired four seasons ago, when Zinedine Zidane blew his fuse due to the incessant needling of Marco Materazzi and ended his glorious career in disgrace, but I doubt even that would compare with 14 yellow cards and a red.

It is incredible that the 2 sides involved in this ugly slugfest are the same two that are touted as the epitome of ‘Beauty’ in the Beautiful Game, one as the original inventors in the 70s, and the other the more modern exponents of the same. In contrast, the 3rd place playoff, contested by Uruguay and Germany, both of whom traditionally rely more on physical play than the Dutch or the Spanish, was an infinitely more entertaining, enjoyable and better game of football, and was probably one of the best games of the tournament.

There was far too much riding on the final, as two great footballing nations were vying for their first claim to global dominance, and that was so clearly evident in the match that ensued. However, consider how dour this particular edition of the World Cup has been, I suppose we must concede that the finale was fitting for this particular edition. Given how the tournament has progressed over the past 4 weeks, how the final panned out should not have been so surprising. Mind you, that does not mean the Spanish or the Dutch should be in any way proud of their final performance. For the most part, the match resembled the WWE Royal Rumble, if you know what I mean, rather than an exhibition of the beautiful game at the highest level.

Referee Howard Webb did a commendable job, for it was a thankless job to do in such a physical contest, particularly considering the fact that the entire world was sitting ready to criticize him. I suppose the instructions were clear from FIFA, that no one was to be sent of unless absolutely necessary, and as late as possible. In a tournament where on more than one occasion the refereeing has left a lot to be desired, and has finally woken up the slumbering FIFA to the necessity of introducing the use of technology in assisting officials, the colossal muscle-bound frame of the man, who is the first ever to referee in both the UEFA Champions League and the World Cup final in the same year, acquitted himself well and ends up the only Englishman to have had any success at the World Cup (the other successful English-born being an octopus, doesn’t qualify as an Englishman).

Yet, not sending of Nigel De Jong for that awful kick straight into the chest of Xabi Alonso was inexcusable, no matter what the occasion. For me, that certainly wasn’t football, more like martial arts. The name De Jong sounds oriental, so, you never know, he might have the blood of a kung fu master in him!

Very soon, I will be posting the team of the tournament as I see it, so stay tuned!

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It's Villa's Destiny

Finding the net. Scoring. Winning the Golden Boot. Call it what you will, it’s second nature to David Villa. It’s his birthright. It’s his destiny.

When I used to say I am a fan of Spain, I meant I was a fan of their style, their midfield and Fernando Torres. When Spain won Euro 2008, Torres was in red-hot form and, despite the fact that it was Villa who ended up topscoring in the tournament, I despised him for stealing Torres’ limelight. For me, Torres was the leading frontman and Villa the sideshow. How wrong was I.

The only reason I think I thought that way was because I loved Liverpool and hardly knew a thing about Valencia. The EPL has so much more worldwide coverage, particularly here in India, that it was inevitable. I was surprised when I found out Villa had scored far more international goals for the La Furia Roja than Torres, and was within touching distance of Raul’s national record. At last count he is 1 shy of Raul’s 44 and is favourite to equal, if not better, the record in the mouthwatering semifinal that is a clash of the titans, Spain versus Germany.

Fernando Torres has had a horrendous run at this World Cup, as both his delightful touch and blistering pace seem to have deserted him as he still struggles to getn India, that it was inevitable particularly here encia. (WOW!!) sideshow. hat it was Villa who ended up topscoring in the tour to match fitness post the injury that consigned him to the bench towards the end of last season. The onus of scoring goals has fallen to Villa and how well has he responded. Spain have not exactly set the World Cup alight as far as goal-scoring is concerned (that has been Germany’s forte thus far), yet Villa stands tall at the top of the goalscorers’ chart with 5 goals in 5 games.

Apart from the 5 Villa has netted only one other goal has been scored by a Spaniard, and that was Andres Iniesta. Even that particular goal was set up by Villa, which means he has been involved in each and every one of the 6 Spanish goals in the competition. Only one man, the impressive 20-yearold Thomas Müller of Germany has been involved in more than 6, scoring 4 himself and setting up 3 others.

Fate’s insistence that Villa and only Villa score for Spain was no more evident than in the quarterfinal against Paraguay. When the world though Xabi Alonso found the net from his spotkick, the referee disallowed it for encroachment in the penalty area. Needless to say, his second shot was saved. When finally Spain did score, it should have been Pedro’s name on the scoresheet. After Iniesta’s run set him up superbly, his shot found the upright and ricocheted off to the foot of none other than David Villa. Villa fared no better, and found the other upright, but as luck would have it, the ball did not rebound out but to the other post and into the net. The commentator did an admirable job of summing it up, “Pedro saw glory; Villa saw the net”.

Each and every one of Spain’s goals in the tournament are very clearly etched into my memory, like Rafael Nadal’s fist pump, Jules Winnfield’s dialogues and Aletta Ocean’s body. They have all been pretty, and owe a lot of their aesthetic beauty to the man always in the thick of things, David Villa.

The stage is set for a phenomenal semifinal as Germany and Spain, two teams as alike as chalk and a jellyfish, take on each other. The manner in which Germany demolished Maradona’s Argentina was ominous indeed. It also spoke of Argentina’s inexperience of facing stronger sides at the World Cup. Argentina’s defence was exposed in the German counterattacks and when it came to creating chances, the midfield seemed to be unable to deliver the ball to one of the best forward lines of the competition. Messi played a deeper and deeper role, and was completely nullified by the close marking of Khedira and Schweinsteiger.

Spain will have none of Argentina’s weak midfield problems, nor is the defence that weak. But things may get difficult if Khedira and Schweinstieger continue their dogged marking and frustrate playmaker Xavi, the way they did Messi. Spain also need to be extremely cautious for Germany’s speed on the counter is phenomenal, particularly on the left flank as Ozil and Podolski can make runs on and off the ball from box to box in a matter of seconds. Sergio Ramos will have his task cut out in containing this duo, and the ageing Puyol and Capdevilla will have to bring all their experience into play when handling the younger, faster and taller Thomas Müller. Paraguay, and Nelson Valdes in particular, gave the Spanish many a scare on the breakaway runs, and Germany will definitely be even more potent. Needless to say, if Spain bring the same game to the table that saw them marginally edge out the South Americans, Germany will coast to the final.

So different are the tactics of the two European giants, that the clash of the individual styles will explode like fireworks in the eyes of the beholder. Germany’s strategy is to take a 20-metre-long run-up, and smash its shoulder into the door, time and again until the door breaks down. Spain’s tactics involve circling the house to be broken into until the cracks appear. Then, like sand, they pour in through the tiniest of gaps and slalom their way to the net.

Germany need a stout and fast defence to be kept at bay. To stop Spain, the defence needs to be watertight, the kind that will not concede an inch. Height of defenders will seldom matter as Spain rarely play an aerial game.

Germany never rest even if they are leading the game, always coming at the opponents to double and triple the lead. Spain, the masters of possession football, can conserve the slimmest of leads for any amount of time with their precision passing and hog the possession percentages to no end. I can’t wait until Wednesday for the match to unfold.

Another thing I simply can’t wait to watch is Barcelona play next season. With Villa joining, they boast of a most delicious lineup. Villa, the right-footed David Villa, bringing the ball in from the left. Messi, the left-footed Lionel Messi, collecting the ball on the right and working his sorcery towards the middle. Xavi and Iniesta, arguably the best creative midfield pair in the world, feeding the duo and creating all the chances. Sergio Busquets holding the midfield together and winning balls back. Dani Alves making his runs down the right and firing in from distance. And Zlatan Ibrahimovic on hand at centre forward to head and shoot in.

What will make things even more interesting is archrivals Real Madrid now have at the helm Jose Mourinho. It will be interesting to see what changes he makes to the Galacticos to counter a Barca side that pretty much looks like a World's Best XI.

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The Football World Cup for the cricket fan

Being the diehard cricket fan that I am, the football World Cup has generated an inordinate amount of interest in me. My uselessness at home without an internship has given me all the time in the world to watch, at last count, 5 live sporting events at the same time (2 football matches + the Asia Cup + England v Australia ODIs + Wimbledon) and despite the fact that I usually prefer both cricket and tennis over football, the World Cup has gripped me the most.

Within football, somehow I have always followed international football more keenly than club level, despite the EPL and La Liga being far more popular and possibly at a higher class of the game. I still remember the first ever game of football that I had watched keenly was the 2002 World Cup Round of 16 match between Spain and Ireland. Spain had held on to a very early 1 goal lead for almost the whole match before Robbie Keane got the Irish right back in from the penalty spot in stoppage time. Spain eventually won on penalties and my undying support. Admittedly, the game was completely unremarkable and I still don’t know why I remember it so clearly.

So quite obviously, my favourites this time are Spain, and as it so often is with my favourites (Liverpool, Kolkata Knightriders), they have a habit of making my life miserable. My gut feeling says that it’s going to be Argentina’s year, for there’s nothing quite like the Messi-Maradona combine that they boast of.

The way the tournament has panned out so far has left a lot of people disappointed, particularly because of the poor performance of the European teams. From among the star-studded lineups from the continent, only the Netherlands managed to hold their own with distinction even as all others floundered to losses or draws to lesser sides.

The group stages have come to a close and this is as good a time as any to look back and review the thrills and spills of the weeks gone by and speculate on what might be, and what might have been. Initially, the World Cup matches seemed to be producing far fewer goals than previous editions, as the strikers struggled to come to terms with the controversial Jabulani ball (more on that later) as well as the conditions in South Africa, not to mention the deafening and intimidating Vuvuzelas. But by now there are enough goals scored any given day to keep everyone hooked.

Already, both the finalists of the previous edition have made shameful exits. The last time the defending champions retained their crown was when Brazil did it in ’62, and the Cup has never been lifted by the same side on consecutive occasions since. This means no nation can quite managed to dominate the global sport for a longer duration, though Brazil usually are the favourites. Yet, they have been nowhere as dominant for a sustained period the way Australia have been in cricket and this competitiveness of football is a major departure from the one-sidedness of cricket.

France have totally disgusted me with their performance and attitude, for no player or team is higher than the sport itself. Refusal to train is an absolute disgrace to the game, and utmost disrespect to the nation, no matter how erratic and spineless their coach may have been. They remind me of Pakistan in this regard, infighting, mutiny, the works.

Italy, on the other hand have been stunned by the determination and grit shown by their less-fancied opponents Slovakia and New Zealand. One more than one occasion, their defence, that not so long ago was one of the toughest to split, has been caught napping and they were made to pay. For the first time in the history of the sport, questions have been asked of the fabled Azzurri defence. Gianluigi Buffon’s injury did not help them either.

Now to the most under-fire team of the tournament, England. They were given an easy draw by FIFA, a fact the British media were quick to pounce on, and they have somehow contrived to end up second placed the way only they can. In a sense, this World Cup’s been oddly reminiscent of the Second World War; the French surrender early, the US turn up late, and the English are left to deal with the Germans! They had a million chances against Slovenia but chose to play like millionaires and spurned them all to bring this upon themselves.

Rooney’s been off colour, and coach Fabio Capello’s been forcing him to pair-up up front unsuccessfully. The goalkeeping blunder from Green ensures that his career for the 3 Lions is all but finished, and the Poms have been catapulted from the easiest quarter to the toughest. Yet, yoo’ve jushht got to luve Shteyven Gerrard aand hish luvely aacshent aash he triesh to fend off the Brithish media and cope with their crithicshish. England is as England does, irrespective of which field the game’s on, a fact only too well demonstrated in this hilariously witty cartoon by Beach on Cricinfo Page 2.



Thanks to this shoddy performance from England, the first quarter of the tournament draw is full of underdog sides Uruguay, South Korea, USA and Ghana, the only African side alive. There are no glamorous sides there, and Uruguay, a country with a rich and glorious footballing history, seem to be the clear favourites here unless there is an upset on the cards. In fact, one gets the feeling that even if England had managed to top the group, they would have found Forlan and co. too hot to handle in their potential quarterfinal. Thus, with one of these four making up one half of the first semifinal, they are likely to serve as cannon fodder to the other team to make it to that semi, most likely Brazil, and give them an easy route to the final, at least on paper.

England now find themselves fighting for the same spot in the semis as heavyweights Argentina and Germany, and will be up against it in the Round of 16 game against the Germans. Despite their loss to Serbia, the Germans have been infinitely more impressive and Mesut Ozil is one player to watch out for in the future. They certainly combine much better than the individualistic talents of England and their running off the ball and accurate through passes will certainly make life difficult for the English defence already without the talismanic captian Rio Ferdinand.

Argentina square off against Mexico and while the Central Americans are certainly no pushovers, with the form the Argentines are in, one cannot help but think it’s going to be one-sided. Its high time Messi’s detractors cut him some slack and shut their mouths for, despite his goal drought, he has been phenomenal, setting up goals for his teammates. He is easily the most delightful player to watch on the field across all nations and seems to have finally translated his club form to the Albicelestes. This means Argentina are set to collide with Germany for the most explosive quarterfinal clash, and I’m tipping this to be the match of the tournament. In fact, I’ll be willing to put my money on the winner of this game to go all the way and beat whoever they meet in the finals to lift the trophy.

Coming to the other half of the draw, Italy’s failure has pushed Paraguay to the top and their next match against Japan is another one minus big names. The winner of this encounter will face the winner of the Spain-Portugal blockbuster. The two Iberian sides are chock-full of playmakers, and this matchup will be one of the most delightful to watch. One could expect the winner here to comfortably beat Paraguay or Japan, and advance to the semis, where Argentina or Germany will most likely lie waiting.

Portugal have so far scored the highest number of goals in the tournament (7), along with the Argentines, but have also managed to keep a clean sheet as far as goals let in is concerned. The only other side to manage this has been Uruguay. This gives Cristiano Ronaldo’s men the best GD among all nations, and, incredibly, all their goals have come in the same game, their annihilation of North Korea. The other two, against Brazil and the Ivory Coast finished nil-nil.

Spain, after starting as the favourites, were jolted early by the Swiss. With Torres and Iniesta out, La Furia Roja seemed to be short of ideas in front of goal despite an embarrassing wealth of talent in the midfield. Eventually they have finally come into their own against Chile, though up until they scored their first goal, they looked a bundle of nerves. Torres still hasn’t found his silken touch, but that didn’t matter as flamboyant striker David Villa is in prime form. His first goal against Honduras was a spectacular solo defender-dodging effort, while the one against Chile was bizarre. With the goalkeeper halfway out to the halfline, all he had to do was curl the ball into an empty net, and you can back him to do it 10 times out of 10, even if it’s from 40 metres out. I'm tipping him to win the Golden Boot, and I can't wait to see him turn out for Barcelona next season.

It seems he has been watching Shah Rukh Khan and taking some useful pointers and tips from him. His goal celebration involved first holding both arms out wide the way SRK always does in any song shot in New York for any Karan Johar movie, and then seemed to waltz with an invisible woman on his arm.

With the fullbacks turning into wingers and the centrebacks at the forefront during set-pieces, the Spanish seem to be reprising the ‘Total Football’ tactics that the Dutch had patented years ago. This is to be expected, though, considering that literally half their starting lineup ply their trade for Barcelona (Xavi, Iniesta, Busquets, Puyol, Pique, and now Villa as well), the club that has come closest to emulating those beautiful tactics. Such has been their discipline that they are the only team not to have been shown a single yellow card as yet in the Finals. This was put in stark contrast in the match against Chile when the trigger-happy referee doled out the yellows like candy to the Chileans.

One cannot really expect Slovakia to challenge the Netherlands, who are the only team apart from Argentina to win 3 games out of 3. In the other fixture, Chile find themselves up against it as they face the Samba Boys. Netherlands versus Brazil is another potential nailbiting quarterfinal to watch out for, and the winner will have an easier semi most probably against Uruguay.

The Samba Boys have not yet set the stage alight with their sorcery, but it’s only a matter of time before they do. Kaka has not yet found his touch, and has been at the receiving end of some harsh treatment by the refs, but despite that Brazil have had no problems topping the Group of Death. They seem to have traded their free-flowing style for a strongly organized defence and central midfield, and I suspect Dunga’s had a major contribution to this change. Maicon’s freakish goal from an almost obtuse angle against North Korea remains my favourite goal for I’ve never ever seen anything quite like it up until now. It may have been the Jabulani and its wonky aerodynamics that sent the ball into the net instead of to a Brazilian foot, but even so it remains a most remarkable shot.

Africa, the host continent, of who much was expected pre-tournament, have not quite had it their way with only Ghana making it past the group stages. An increasing number for African footballers have had world class exposure in recent times playing in the various leagues in Europe, and that is only going to improve their standards. Their biggest hope, the Ivory Coast, were unlucky to have been drawn into the Group of Death, and found it too much to cope against Brazil and Portugal. One does feel that things might have panned out differently for the Elephants had they been slotted in another group.

With so many European teams disappointing, it seems the divide between the bigwigs and the minnows has blurred. Never before have so many traditionally strong sides been challenged, and it seems the playing field is being leveled globally. Sides like New Zealand that lack natural skill, flair and talent have made up with sheer physical dominance, and minnows have been practicing their set-pieces to perfection.

Speaking of set-pieces, the most fantastic freekicks seen thus far have come from Japan against Denmark. In the initial phase of the tournament, strikers and goalkeepers alike were complaining about the Jabulani ball that simply refused to behave. So many freekicks from that tempting distance of about 25-30 metres out were seen blasted into orbit way over the crossbar in the initial few days as the Jabulani refused to dip. Even a lot of long through balls and overheads seemed to overshoot their targets by a good margin and this contributed to a lack of goals early on.

In this context, the goals by Honda and Endo of Japan have been nothing short of spectacular. Those were the sort of kicks even the best exponents of the game would be proud to have struck. It’s clear the minnows have mastered the art of scoring from set-pieces to make up for their other shortcomings, and big-name sides need to be wary of this.

So that’s about it from me; let’s hope the quality of football only rises from here on as the business end of one of the greatest spectacles on earth approaches.

Post-egestion cleanliness habits of advanced primates

I, mere days into a foreign trip, have apparently cracked the baffling dilemma that has confounded generations of both Indians and foreigners alike for centuries. I, it appears, quite by chance, have hit upon the precise reason why the Indians are repulsed by the, for want of a better word, asshole-cleaning technique of the foreigners and vice versa.
Now, I think it essential to issue a warning beforehand. This blog is going to be gross, and not for the faint-hearted. Even if you feel up to reading on, I suggest you avoid multitasking this with eating.
The key to why we find wiping our bottoms dry with toilet paper horribly revolting and likewise why the white man finds washing it manually with water equally disgusting lies in the diets. You see, we Indians eat a diet heavy on spicy curries and gravies in the form of daal and sabzi. This results in our excreta being more liquid than solid, and hence we find wiping it quite disgusting and prefer to wash it clean. The diet of the Westerners, on the other hand, constitutes more dry stuff, such as breads and meats. Hence, their excreta is more in the form of solid chunky, definitely a far more thicker consistency (I assume!) than that of ours. This I infer from the fact that the day I switched almost completely to their typical diet of bread, mutton, sausages, beef, the works, there was a marked change in my, erm, toilet contents. I did not even feel the need to use water at all, and I assume Whites have the same feeling.
So there you have it. If there may be a time when the world goes to war over, not oil, not food nor water, but backside-wiping technique, then all that the world leaders will have to do is read this blog to draw out a treaty.
Now the fact remains that my trip ended a week ago and I have been at home ever since. Yet, I intend to continue writing the blog, more for my own satisfaction than for the readers’ (if any) benefit. Since I now have all the time in the world, I am all the more liable to waste it and the only thing I guarantee any interested reader is irregularity.

I Hate The Chinese

I hate the Chinese. I hate them. Right from their flat faces to their straight black hair to their cacophonic language to its horrible script, not to mention their food (the one we get in India is nowhere near what they themselves eat). Worst of all, I hate the fact that some of them can’t speak proper English even when living in the heart of New York.

Sample this. We are in a very posh downtown area of Manhattan, and suddenly two blocks down, we find ourselves lost. As we walk down into Chinatown, New York, for all practical purposes, disappears. For all you know, it’s as good as finding yourself in the heart of mainland China, and not just a small part of Manhattan.

We had gone to Chinatown to book the tickets for trip to the Niagara Falls and back. On the streets in Chinatown, each and every single sign on every shop was in that damned script of theirs. Even McDonalds was not spared, and only their iconic yellow M was there in English (possibly they mistook it for just an arch and not an actual letter, else even that would have been replaced by an ugly squiggle). The only things to reassure us that the US visa was sufficient to roam around here were the names of the streets and the occasional blacks and whites who were doing their cheap shopping around.

However, when we actually entered the office of the tour company, save for the large maps of the US plastered on the walls, there was no indication that we were in the US. All the office staff was composed of Chinese girls, who chattered away to each other in the most irritating voices in that dratted language that made me feel like flattening their already smooth faces. Even when they attended calls they spoke only Chinese (Mandarin, to be precise), with the only incidence of English being the pleasantries hello and thank you. Possibly, there might be a bit more English in use in China itself. All the files that lined the cabinets had bold lettering in Chinese and let’s not talk about the décor at all.

We did manage to book the tour tickets, but their limited vocabulary was a major hindrance. The tour guide who accompanied us on the tour was also a Chinese girl (cute in a short-haired Chinese sort of way), but mercifully spoke better English since she was a law school undergraduate working part-time. Imagine a foreigner showing us our own country back India; its unimaginable. Such a travesty would be downright shameful In India, but the Yankees don’t seem to mind it one bit. It’s a downside of cold capitalism that they have to live with.

My hatred for these flatfaces started on our trip to Australia when our hotel in Sydney was right in the middle of the Chinatown there (they have them in every city that they live in; they just don’t know how to blend in like us desis). Here as well, their populations are swelling like crazy and what once used to be Little Italy and Chinatown alongside each other is now two blocks of Little Italy surrounded by vast expanses of Chinatown. Let me tell you Australia with their tiny population is soon going to be overrun by them and here as well they have made themselves indispensable to the American economy. They are pretty much on the verge of taking over the tourism travel industry around New York by offering unbeatable prices so that it’s impossible to get rid of them now. Quite possibly they might spread their ugly talons all over the US right under the noses of the unsuspecting local pink pigs.

The actual trip to Niagara was decent, though the falls themselves underwhelmed me. I expected them to be in the heart of the wilderness but the area around is very much urbanized. They are really massive and are more deafening than the Ensiferum concert of Moodi ’08, but I expected something of gargantuan proportions. The wind and the mist, though, are something to behold. The biggest positive to come out of the trip was getting the tour guide (I refer to her as such because I really did not get her name despite her repeated attempts to spell it out) to admit she found me quite handsome, which probably means I could have got further had I not been under the constant unwavering surveillance of my parents.

Currently I am already on the west coast which puts me way behind schedule as I have already done D.C., Chicago and Vegas. So you could expect a few quick posts sooner rather than later with all the latest scoops of my trip.