Post-egestion cleanliness habits of advanced primates

I, mere days into a foreign trip, have apparently cracked the baffling dilemma that has confounded generations of both Indians and foreigners alike for centuries. I, it appears, quite by chance, have hit upon the precise reason why the Indians are repulsed by the, for want of a better word, asshole-cleaning technique of the foreigners and vice versa.
Now, I think it essential to issue a warning beforehand. This blog is going to be gross, and not for the faint-hearted. Even if you feel up to reading on, I suggest you avoid multitasking this with eating.
The key to why we find wiping our bottoms dry with toilet paper horribly revolting and likewise why the white man finds washing it manually with water equally disgusting lies in the diets. You see, we Indians eat a diet heavy on spicy curries and gravies in the form of daal and sabzi. This results in our excreta being more liquid than solid, and hence we find wiping it quite disgusting and prefer to wash it clean. The diet of the Westerners, on the other hand, constitutes more dry stuff, such as breads and meats. Hence, their excreta is more in the form of solid chunky, definitely a far more thicker consistency (I assume!) than that of ours. This I infer from the fact that the day I switched almost completely to their typical diet of bread, mutton, sausages, beef, the works, there was a marked change in my, erm, toilet contents. I did not even feel the need to use water at all, and I assume Whites have the same feeling.
So there you have it. If there may be a time when the world goes to war over, not oil, not food nor water, but backside-wiping technique, then all that the world leaders will have to do is read this blog to draw out a treaty.
Now the fact remains that my trip ended a week ago and I have been at home ever since. Yet, I intend to continue writing the blog, more for my own satisfaction than for the readers’ (if any) benefit. Since I now have all the time in the world, I am all the more liable to waste it and the only thing I guarantee any interested reader is irregularity.